Self-control and silly times

I am reading a New Yorker article about self-control, and had a silly adventure the other day. So I thought I would write a little about the two. According to the article thinking about thinking is what allows people to outsmart their shortcomings. In other words, a good way to practice self-control about a given temptation is to distract yourself by thinking about something else.
The other day I went into work at 7 am (highly unusual for me) and had taken work home with me when I met up with a friend for lunch. I had already decided that I was not going back to the office after lunch, but I had several choices: go home and take a nap since I had not been sleeping well the past week, go home and finish off the two outstanding hours of work, or hang out with my friend all afternoon. I am sure there were other choices but those were the three I thought about. As it was a warm, summery day (by Dublin standards), you can guess which option I was favoring.
If you know me at all (and anyone reading this does), you already know which option I chose. Yes, I hung out with my friend. And I had fun. There was a slight difference this time from my past behavior in similar circumstances--I was less impulsive about picking the option to go with. I did think about it rationally, and weighed the pros and cons. It is not that big of a deal deciding whether to work or have fun (especially knowing that there are no ramifications on my job as I will do the work this weekend). However, there were emotional ramifications to consider and this is an area that tends to be a landmine for me.
I have made a conscious decision in the past year to avoid inappropriate relationships or non-relationships. If my budding relationship with this guy stays at friendship, there is no problem. If it becomes an emotional or romantic relationship, then it would fall into the inappropriate category. Both of us are aware of this and both would prefer the former--or so we say. Whether it is true for him or not, I really don't know.
Anyway, we had fun and have decided to just be friends. As the article explains, it is not just about the marshmallows. Read more http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/05/18/090518fa_fact_lehrer#ixzz1SFPQBt3U

Happiness

Life is good. I have been properly healthy for four months. I eat regularly, and sleep well every night—for the first time in 45 years. Or maybe 35 years… possibly I slept well as a child and don’t remember. I am spending time with good friends, I have realized that good people actually care about me, I am working hard albeit part-time and even enjoying it, and I have taken up creative hobbies. I don’t know myself.
I am socializing a fair bit, but not too much. Often, I just have people over for either dinner, brunch, or a wine and cheese evening. I still read novels but not to the exclusion of doing anything else. I hardly watch TV anymore.
I bought a bike about six weeks ago. So far I have only ridden it home from the shop and once in the park last week. Still, I had a good excuse: I tore ligaments in my ankle the same week that I bought it. It is currently hanging on its rack in my smoking patio. I am contemplating taking it for a spin again today. Ambitious I know. It is a lovely autumnal day and there won’t be many more of those so I suppose I should take advantage of it.
Winter will be the real challenge.

A fabulous day

Yesterday was a good day. It was not a special day and I still had to work but nonetheless I was in great form and enjoyed almost every minute of the day/evening. It was the last day of my work week--gotta say I love this 4-day work week lark.
I woke early even though I had gone to sleep quite late. My lungs were in bits from too much smoking the previous evening and I was somewhat tired. I read an entertaining blog, which always puts me in decent form for dealing with the numpties at work later. I also took my time going in and decided to postpone preparing for a painful meeting.
On my way into work I stopped at my regular coffee shop; they know me by name and I chat and gossip with them every morning. Usually, they ask if I am running late (yes is usually the answer). I have even celebrated one of their birthdays there, joining in for the cake and singing birthday wishes as one does.
Then I walked to the second tram station, doing the mindful thing by being aware of my autumnal surroundings. A heroin addict stopped me to ask for a light and didn't even thank me. She had her own crumpled cigarette though.
On the tram I noticed most of the people looked as tired as I felt. I texted my friend to see if he was as wrecked as I was. Then at the other end of my journey I crossed the river, lit a cigarette, and proceeded to the office. The painful meeting had already started but I took my time joining the others, doing more important work at my desk first. I arrived at the meeting just in time for my status update. Since I had not prepared anything I had them show my previous week's status and said it was remarkably similar because I had been dragged into so many meetings this week that I had not had time to complete all my planned tasks.
As Travelling Fille passed my desk after the meeting she leaned over and whispered "I have lost the will to live." I laughed. At least I know it is not just me who finds the numpties annoying. They love their inefficient meetings and can shite on about the same topic repeatedly for a long time. I tend to leave the meetings when they start to repeat themselves, excusing myself by saying I have something else planned/urgent, etc. I get away with murder at work so cannot complain too much... not that it stops me.
Travelling Fille and I went out for lunch. We had not chatted properly all week so we filled each other in on our respective doings. We avoided talking about work, focusing more on our plans for this weekend. She is going to my favorite restaurant tonight with her family. I was unsure what exactly I was going to be up to, other than the home visit I will be getting Sunday for the woman to determine whether I will provide a good home for her bullied cat (bullied by the other cats, not her).
At my own, efficient meeting in the afternoon, I had to scold my boss and Travelling Fille for talking out of turn. The meeting lasted 15 minutes and then I had to chat to my boss to get him back on-side after scolding him. All my colleagues tease me about my schoolmarm ways. I don't care, it gets things done.
I gathered up my laptop since I have a bit of work to do this weekend and headed off early. I met up with Wise Woman and filled her in on the latest. I told her I use my interactions with my colleagues as a gauge to see how I am doing health wise. When I mentioned that even at the best of times I find some of them irritating, she said that perhaps that is because they are annoying people.
Then I went to my local Italian restaurant/cafe for a glass of wine. At one point I went outside to smoke a cigarette perched on the ledge. An elderly Irish woman passed me by and I smiled hello. She said "It looks like you are enjoying yourself." Her words made me stop and think... I replied "Yes, I am" with a big grin. I had almost finished my wine when my favorite Spanish physiotherapist/waiter arrived for work. We chatted and I teased him about missing the opportunity to meet some pretty women last Friday. Since he works two jobs, he is always exhausted and wasn't up to socializing then. We joked that his only solution would be to marry a rich woman, but I pooh-poohed his chances of doing that.
With a "ciao" I headed back into town to meet my lovely Italian friends, Bella Donna and Tipo Nordico. I got the tram to Busáras bus station and then got a taxi to the southside. I haven't been in Ballsbridge in years. I also hadn't seen Bella Donna and Tipo Nordico for at least one year. We met in a pub and then walked over to a Japanese restaurant that they like. The food and company were very good.
We discussed Italian politics, among other topics, as well as where all of us want to live when we retire--even though all three of us having been living in Ireland for the best part of two decades, none of us want to be old here. The weather is only part of it. Perhaps we will all end up in the same village in France, Spain, or Italy... Any other takers?
After dinner I got a taxi back to the northside, my comfort zone. I had the driver stop by my local when I saw that it was open. It had reopened the previous night but I had already made alternative plans for Wednesday. I joined a neighbor of mine who was there on his own. He told me all about his trip to Spain last week and his plan to retire early in two years. Retirement and other countries/cultures seems to have been the theme for the evening.
I left the pub after literally one celebratory glass of wine, congratulating the bar manager and the son of the owner on the pub's reopening. I missed my local. Home to bed I went.
Gentle readers (all four or five of ye), I hope you have as delightful of a day as my day was yesterday.

Gaining in confidence

I have been getting a sense of achievement in writing these blog entries so far, and have been in that excited newbie state. I have only shared the URL with a few people and deliberately left it off the search engines.
Having paddled in the shallow end for a while, I have reached the point of considering a wider distribution of my words. Gentle readers have emailed me their kind impressions of the blog overall, but none have as yet used the comments feature for individual entries... I am ready for both comments and "constructive" feedback. Here I sit, with my comments moderation settings all configured and no comments to moderate.
By the way, my weekend has started already and I am relishing my night in. I am sitting here sipping a glass of wine, with a glass of water on the side. It's all about the pacing. I had a good work week, a bit tiring (despite my limited hours -- more than last week). I even contributed a technical suggestion at a meeting today and was told that it was a good idea. Go me.
I have been surfing the web, checking facebook, and chatting to two aunts. Jane is a bit of a worrier, and the other aunt hates talking on the phone. Not just to me. One of her many sons said to me years ago after collecting me for my annual visit to his mother's for Christmas, "what is it with his mother/my father and their siblings? They do not really do phone conversations."
[Pops rang me the next evening (it has been a week of contact with family, making up for long silent period). He had news to import having decided to look after a chore for me that I never got around to completing... Having done that and gotten in a dig or two, he then got restless. "You want to end the conversation, don't you?" I asked. Embarassed chuckle but then "ok, I am not calling you Tuesday. This call takes care of that."]
Seriously, I come from an unusual set of relatives -- on both sides. Don't we all?
With regards to the net surfing, which I have continued to do, along with shopping and napping, I have decided after reading http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/aug/12/speedos-fashion that I shall be avoiding French pools, at least the ones where all the big-bellied, old men hang out.

Glowing orange

This week has been all about the people in my life... and quality kid time. Work was almost painless (boss was out on holidays), I was working 3/4 time, and I learned interesting non-technical stuff.

I had dinner with Reggae Cool and his family Monday night. You can't beat home cooking, especially when someone else does it. The two elder kids are brilliant; I hadn't seen them in about 4 years. The baby was a baby, cute but boring. Until kids are toddlers I have absolutely no interest in them. My Dote (the 8 year old boy) got used to me again quickly and even read me a story. I teased him, asking if he was going to come live with me. He politely shook his head no. Then I asked if he was going to move out of the family home next week and get an apartment on his own. Yes, was the response. Little Trouble is going to give Reggae Cool headaches when she is a teenager. Payback big time. She remained fairly aloof from me that evening.

Tuesday I found a good hairdresser and got my hair chopped/styled. On my walk down the quays I also found the second Czech pub in Dublin. Good to know, as it is pretty close to my neighborhood. The sun was shining; it even felt like summer.

Wednesday was a few hours in the Phoenix Park with the three kids and Mum D from Prague. Man, I had forgotten how tiring hanging out and playing with kids outdoors is. I told Mum D I was wrecked when they headed off back home. She just laughed in agreement.
Later that evening I went to the gentle yoga and meditation class. The previous week had been my first proper yoga class in years, and I was puce by the end of it. This time it was a bit easier -- I could feel that I was more flexible doing the poses.

Thursday was dinner with Muso and his chilled, pregnant wife, the Diplomat. It was great catching up, even if some of the discussions revolved around baby stuff. Another bonus was that I discovered the great beer/smoking garden that the restaurant had. The owner of the place had come up to me when I was sitting out there before dinner and asked if the book I was reading was any good (it is). She commented that a lot of customers like to treat the garden as a library. I will definitely be going there again; it is just down the road from my office.

Friday night was dinner with other friends at their house. It was a leisurely feast, with great chats. Sailor was back from Amsterdam so he was there, too. My friends' daughter, Goldilocks, sat at her little pink table in the play area and then headed off to the front room to watch Nimo (again). Other than the odd shout "Mam" when she wanted something to drink or somebody in the room for the scary bit, she was largely absent.

Obviously, I have not cooked all week or even had to do much grocery shopping.

Quick silver

Yesterday was quick silver, partly because I woke up on time today and partly because I ran out of my medication two days ago. I meant to refill the prescription the other evening but forgot until I was almost home and only the late night chemist in town was still open. Or maybe it was just because I have my period and night sweats. Oh the joys of impending menopause. Not.
It might also be quick silver due to the phone conference that I have to have with my boss tomorrow...
The yoga class last night was helpful, and I even walked the long way home afterward. My psychiatrist had rung me earlier when I was leaving the chemist's, and a kind neighbor had dropped me at the yoga place since it was raining. Everyone has been looking out for me the last few weeks.
Still too keyed up to sleep though.
*******
Several hours and a phone conversation with a long distance, good friend later I am still awake... I've had breakfast and dawn has officially arrived. I might as well get ready and go to work.